


Wrong

by RonDuhSwan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Catholic School, Depression, Drama & Romance, Dramedy, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Homophobia, M/M, Orphan Armin Arlert, POV Armin Arlert, POV Jean Kirstein, Plot, Private School, References to Depression, Slow Build, very slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 14:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14083056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonDuhSwan/pseuds/RonDuhSwan
Summary: Armin transfers to the all-boys catholic school Jean attends. Jean is a raging homophobe who, surprise, is eventually gay for Armin. Angst ensues.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something that i had saved in my google drive that i wrote forever ago and never uploaded. Beware i have not read through it all and there are probably errors and i dont know if i want to actually finish this so be aware of that as well.
> 
> Uploaded by request from my tumblr

    The bitter aroma of freshly brewed columbian roast swirling around in the tiny Starbucks, became irrelevant to Jean as he tried not to notice the opening door. Though he was far past said point of silly ineffective ignorance, he had come here to relax and study, and was not about to let this distraction get in the way. He peered up only slightly from the laptop in front of him and sneered in disgust. He watched as the couple that entered held hands and sat at a table in his clear viewing range clear across the room, next to the door they had come through. It made him sick, really… all this shameless public affection, for this was no “normal” couple. As Jean had long already noticed, these were two men, two men who now sat in his range of sight while they exchanged flirting eyes with one another. It was an insulting presence and not to mention sight. Jean's fingers idly fiddled with the rosary that hung around his neck, one which his mother had given to him when he was very young.

  
    “And now, you will never be alone,” she had said with a smile as she placed it around the boy’s neck. He had still been quite young to really grasp what it all meant to “not be alone” in the presence of a seemingly insignificant little necklace. To him it didn't look like any human company that kept him… like his friends from school or his family, but when his mother’s delicate, poise hands had set the rosary around his neck, the silvery beads sparkling like droplets on a rainy day, he almost felt like he understood… sort of. “When you wear this rosary, Jean, even if you cannot see me, I will be with you… Jesus will be with you. And just know that you will always be okay.”  
“It’s unfortunate that you have to be here to see... _this_ as well...” Jean mumbled to himself, fingers lining the edges of the tiny silver cross in his hand. He looked back to his laptop screen, his notes blinking back at him. It took him just about a second before finally deciding on closing his laptop and leaving.

  
  
    Outside, the winds proved to finally be catching up to its season. The past few days had been pretty warm for being the middle of October, and Jean found he would have liked it to stay that way. He wasn't much the type to enjoy having to constantly thaw himself after every outing, anyways.

* * *

 

  
    Jean searched through his wallet, finally pulling out a white card with a single black bar code, and sliding it into the slot code scanner of his room door. He waited as the usual flickering green light shown finally before opening the door to head inside.  
    “Hey, Jean!” Jean hadn't noticed his roommate and childhood friend, Marco, sitting at one of the far-left study desks, which was a pretty easy thing for him to miss then considering the way the room was set up. The way the door opened as you walked in gave way to another sliding door directly across it which led to the walk-in closet, and the wall that wrapped around a little too closely to the right that held the door to the bathroom gave off a dark shadow that made it seem sort of like it lived in its own little world. It made the first thing you see to consist of mainly darkness and forcing you to instinctively search slightly to the left at the open bunk area which radiated a warm glow from the window (which was un-seeable from the entrance, though its presence was more than apparent). This instinctive search would have had you focusing on the pair of bunks on both the left and right walls and would have caused you to miss the desks in the far left corner that seemed hard to miss to some people, but could easily be done if you happen to not be looking for them. Jean gave a partially surprised look to Marco.  
    “Oh, hey Marco. Didn't know you were here.” Marco smiled, his dark freckles seeming to grow in size across his face. He reached to rub at the back of his neck as he explained, embarrassed,  
    “Aha, yeah, I kinda have an essay that I've been putting off due tomorrow for my Literature class and-” he stopped, looking puzzled suddenly “Hey, weren't you going to go study for the test tomorrow at that Starbucks downtown?” Jean set his things down on his bunk (he always slept on the top one), parallel to the ones Marco sat next to and he lay on Marco’s bottom bunk, arms crossed behind the back of his head.  
    “I was.” Jean responded, eyes falling closed. Marco knew his friend well enough to know what this most likely meant. His brows furrowed worryingly and he sighed.  
    “Jean, don’t you think you overreact a bit to this sort of thing?”  
    “Nope.” Jean didn't hesitate in his response and he spoke clearly enough for Marco to hear. Marco wasn't so much surprised by this answer, he was sort of used to it by now, but still the execution of such a thing managed to take his breath for a second.  
    “Jean, I know you mean well and all, but you of all people should know that the bible itself says God loves each and every one of his children.” Marco kept his eyes on his friend “Sure, I agree with you that it is wrong, but you know, you’re going to have to learn to accept that people like that exist and eat and breath just like us. You can’t just leave whenever you’re around them because you feel uncomfortable and don’t agree with it.” Jean’s eyes opened again finally. He lifted his head and propped himself slightly up enough to face Marco.  
    “Yeah!?” his voice raised a few notches “You know what else is wrong? Being a murderer. I bet you wouldn't say the same thing if i were in the same room with a murderer, would you?” his brows furrowed into a scowl. Marco was at a loss for words for a second. He frowned and his voice rose in response to Jean’s.  
    “Well- no! But you know, being a murderer and being… uh… that… are two completely different things!”  
    “How!?” he sat up straight now “They’re both sins, aren’t they? And do you notice how you seem to find it harder to say gay than murderer? Don’t tell me it’s not at the same level as murder when you can’t say it with as much ease, Marco.” Marco’s face flushed and he knew he had made a crucial point, not to mention he wasn't very good at arguing, especially with Jean, and he wasn't sure what to say anymore after this being only one of the countless times they'd come across this argument. There was a short silence and Marco’s eyes drifted to the ground. Jean swung his legs over the side and remained seated. He fixed his eyes on Marco, his voice lowered back to it’s normal tone.  
    “Look, Marco, you've been my best friend since like birth, man, and I know you've only ever wanted everyone to be all buddy-buddy with each other all the time or whatever,” he licked at his chapped lips “But know that there are people out there who don’t want or very well deserve it…” Marco’s eyes looked up to meet Jean’s, his voice soft and just about audible.  
    “I know, Jean… I just wish you were a tad less harsh about it… at least..." he paused for a long while before continuing, a hint of something changing, creeping in his eyes, "...try a little...?” his worried motherly look now ever so slowly returning to his normal, smiling self when he knew Jean knew what he was about to do. Jean tried to help the smile that gently tugged at the corners of his lips as he fought back the urge.  
    “…Marco… Marco, don’t do it… you-you know I can’t…” Jean tried closing his eyes, but realized he was far too late when he saw that stupid puppy-dog face of Marco’s had already hit him. “DAMN IT, MARCO!” Marco burst out into laughter as Jean huffed “You know how I cave into whatever dumb thing of yours when you make that stupid face!” Jean wished he could stop himself from making the sloppy grin that was now plastered on his face, he was serious about this all afterall. Marco finally came down from his mini laughing fit and sighed a smile to Jean, only to find himself trying to block Jean as he approached him and attempted to give him a noogie.  
    “I hope you didn't think I was gonna let you "win" this argument that easily!” Marco squirmed free from his grasp and turned towards the mirror which hung on the wall to the left of his desk and proceeded to try and smooth out some of the frazzled hair. He made a pouting face as he found short dark strands reaching every which way and some clinging to his freckled cheeks.  
    “I wouldn't consider this much of a win...” he pouted, referring to his now disheveled hair.

* * *

 

  
    It was now getting dark out as curfew was fast approaching. It wasn't too terribly shocking to find that Connie (their other roommate) wasn't back yet. He always seemed to be out doing… something. He was a fairly well known guy, after-all, seeing as how he was usually the only voice you ever hear when it is almost entirely not the time for it.  
  
_Taking a test?_  
  
Leave it to him to ask every question you never really cared about.  
  
_Trying to sleep?_  
  
Of course I’m awake Connie why else would I be snoring.  
  
_At a funeral?_  
  
No Connie it would not be funny if you started playing thriller and the rotting corpse rose from its coffin doing the moonwalk why would you even say that the guy is fucking dead omg.  
  
    Don’t get me wrong, the guy’s a riot and he’s the only reason Jean ever really pays attention during class, buuut let’s just say it’s no surprise Sister Petra is always having him clean off the gum from underneath the Church's benches after school as punishment for finding him gone during late-night room checks.  
    Jean laid in his bunk, right arm across his forehead and eyes unable to fall shut. It was already eleven thirty and Marco had long gone under.  
_Lucky bastard_. Jean thought to himself. It seemed like Jean always had to have a billion thoughts race through his mind continuously before one of them ever happened to be to _sleep_ , and he could bet Marco would probably be able to through the motherfucking second coming of Christ if he wanted to. Jean sighed as his thoughts rolled through the argument he and Marco had had earlier that day and realized the exact context of the conversation. He wasn't so sure many of his actions were going to change. After all, this was something he’d known far too long to be able to shift overnight. It was like waking someone up in the middle of the night to tell them they have roughly twenty four hours to leave their wife and kids for Paris to learn the language and start their new career as a professional fancy cheese taster who occasionally prostituted himself when times got tough. In other words, he wasn't too particularly ecstatic, to say the least, at the idea; however... he was willing to try a _little_... for Marco.  
    A sudden rustle at the door cut Jean’s thoughts short and Jean could tell without looking that it was Connie as he quickly slipped through the door, a miracle that Sister Petra hadn't seen him come through. Jean grinned, rolling his eyes behind the arm that lay across them.  
    “Tsch- you know Connie, one of these days you’re gonna end up getting kicked out of this school or something.” he didn't turn to face him, since it was dark and he was a short thing, completely un-seeable due to the bunk and closet's wall anyways. Connie moved from the entrance towards the side of Jean’s bunk.  
    “Hey, you know what, at least I made it back this time! I think I might even be getting pretty good at this whole not-getting-caught-by-Sister-Petra thing!” Jean couldn't make out his face too well with the one eye he revealed from under his arm, but he was very well betting Connie had one of his cocky smiles out and almost ironically flashing. Jean rolled his eyes and grabbed his pillow to hit Connie with.  
    “ _Good night, Connie_.”

* * *

 

  
    Jean wasn’t sure what time he finally fell asleep last night, and was even more unsure as to what the millions of questions on his 5th period Physics exam were trying to ask him. Jean briefed through his test, all of it looking more like his foreign language exams. He glanced to the seat at his right where Marco was busy scribbling away seemingly knowing what he was doing. Jean’s eyes wandered aimlessly around the class, seeing if maybe that’d bring a memory back or two. His chin rested on his left palm as he lazily followed his Physics teacher, Ms. Zoe, with his eyes. She seemed to be preoccupied in stacking whatever the hell it was, some bluish green shit she was eating, into mini towers which she seemed to enjoy knocking over again. This was getting Jean nowhere. He sighed loudly and let his face slide from his palm and fall flat on his desk, waiting for some miraculous fire or sinkhole to get him out of this stupid test. Or maybe if he was lucky the pressure would finally get to him and make him snap, gruesomely stabbing himself with his own pencil in the face a few times and maybe even excusing him from gym too. Maybe.

 _Eh... you can sit out for warmups I guess_ , Jean could practically hear Coach Smith say, _Just don't bleed over the soccer balls please, we just got those last week._

    Jean would have liked to of been exaggerating. It was hard to believe the guy was also one of the most well-respected of the three pastors in the school.

    “Ummm… excuse me?” the voice disrupted his thoughts, even if it was just barely audible to Jean since it had come from he’d have to guess the front of the class, and his seat was in the way back, second to left corner by the windows.  
    “Hello there! Yes! What can I do for you, dear?” Ms. Zoe’s voice was clear as day with its usual, over-excited tone.  
    “I-uh… I-is this AP Physics…” the same soft voice came again, a tad louder this time.  
    “Ah! You must be the new kid, huh? Go ahead and tell us your name, son! Introduce yourself to the class! Don’t be shy!” and this time Jean was curious. He lifted his head from the desk and scanned to the front, realizing that all other eyes were already fixed on the tiny kid that stood next to Ms. Zoe’s desk. Jean “Tsch-ed” in mind when he scanned the kid up and down. He was a small thing, not exactly scrawny per say, but more of just overall petite for a guy.

 

 _He could probably pass for like a 12 year old girl if he wasn’t so obviously wearing the sweater vest and khakis they make the guy’s uniforms of,_ Jean thought to himself. _Especially with that hair he has going on. It’s a bit long for a guy, no? And man, is this kid shaking? You’ve gotta be kidding me. He’s probably a new kid. I could probably break him in half if I wanted to, but seeing the already miserable-looking expression on his face, I wouldn’t be so heartless as to even try. Poor kid kind of has one of those faces like the orphan from Oliver Twist. The kind you can’t help but pity._

    Jean watched the fear of Ms. Zoe grow in the kid’s slim figure. The new kid looked to his feet for a second before finally turning shyly to scan the many patient faces waiting for what he had to say. His face grew red as he finally began.  
    “Um… I-Uh… m-my name’s Armin.” He finally announced.  
  
_Wow, you can really tell it’s this kid’s first day. Has he never been to school before this or what?_  
  
    Ms Zoe’s eyes grew to an excited wideness.  
    “Armin!?” She took a hand to her chin to stroke at it as if she were pondering “I think I dated an Armin back in Junior High. Or, maybe it was… not Armin, I don’t know…” she shook herself away from her thoughts, “Well, never mind that! You go ahead and have a seat in any ‘ol empty desk you’d like! We’re kinda in the middle of a test, so you can just hang out for today I guess!” her eyes searched the room for empty seats, and her gaze landed in Jean’s direction.”Why don’t you go ahead ‘nd take that far left one for today.” She glared at Jean jokingly, “We’ll find you a better place to sit soon, but for the meantime, I don’t want you lowering this sweet little boy’s IQ any, you got that, Jean?” the class laughed, adding in small commentaries towards Jean of ‘ _i don’t know if he can handle that Ms. Z_ ’ or ‘ _If Connie were in this class too, poor kid would probably turn into a potato._ ’ Jean leaned back in his seat, arms crossed, sneering playfully  
    “AHAHAHAHA, YOU’RE ALL HILARIOUS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, DON'T YOU HAVE JOBS AT COMEDY CENTRAL TO TEND TO.” it took another few moments of Ms. Zoe reminding the class they only had thirty more minutes on their test before the laughter finally died down and the class went back to their own tests; except for Jean, of course. It’s not like he had much of a chance anyways. His eyes stayed on the new kid for a bit. He was still at the front of the class, and he seemed to look a little better than a few minutes ago. At least he was smiling now. Jean sighed and looked back down to his test. He rested his elbows on his desk and let his forehead fall to his palms. He could hear ‘Armin’ finally gathering himself in the empty seat next to him.  
    Jean wondered what kind of a kid just popped up in the middle of the semester like this. It wasn’t something that happened often… and by often he meant, well, ever. It was actually… really weird now that he thought about it, people usually had to wait till the semester ended to be able to start because I guess that was the school’s policy unless you could counter it with a couple grand (the school could be quite… motivated, you could say). He figured he was probably just another deathly rich kid like himself and he brushed it off. However, he also wondered why even up close this kid looked like he was probably the shortest guy in their entire senior class. Well, maybe not as short as Connie, but it was a close match. Jean shifted his head to glance over at Armin. He had already pulled out a copy of a book from his backpack and was sitting silently reading. Somehow this didn’t surprise him. He tried to make out the title that trailed down the spine, but it was almost completely impossible to read from his angle. He shifted his attention back to his test, reached for his pencil reluctantly once again, stared blankly at the still empty page with about twenty five more minutes to fill the entire thing, and sighed loudly.

* * *

 

  
_Armin:_  
  
    Armin’s eyes drifted up from his book. The sound of Jean’s sigh was almost impossible to ignore though everyone else managed to do so anyways. He figured this wasn’t a new thing to them. He glanced over to where Jean almost appeared to be in morbid pain. His left palm supported his forehead as his other began doodling little stick-figures shooting themselves… or, at least that’s what it looked like from his angle? Armin couldn’t help a little smile. It appeared that Ms. Zoe hadn’t been joking when she said he could lower his IQ. He didn’t really mean that in a mean sort of way of course, it was just… sort of hard to ignore the fact that Jean quite obviously had absolutely noooo idea what he was doing. Armin’s glance fell to Jean’s test once more, he scanned the page he was on and his eyes widened. The sudden realization that Jean was still on the first page, which was completely blank, and the fact that he had just under twenty minutes left in the class to finish hit him with a panic as if it were him instead of Jean. He felt sorry for him suddenly, even though he knew Jean seemed the type to have no one to blame but his own foolish self for choosing the back of the class as an easy escape from having to pretend to care. Armin bit his lower lip when he saw the first few questions on the page. He knew the answer to each. He thought for a moment and hesitated a bit before reaching in his bag for a piece of paper and a pen.

* * *

 

  
_Jean_  
  
    Jean had pretty much given up by now. He had retreated to doodling aimlessly on the sides of each question, mostly all stick-figure versions of things he would rather do than take this stupid test. He did this for about another minute or so before turning to the sound of Armin coughing annoyingly (though not loudly), and tapping his pen over a notebook which he had placed in the far right corner of his desk. Jean stared blankly for a minute at Armin wondering if the poor kid was okay. When Armin glanced at him finally for a minute and then looked to the notebook beneath the pen he continued to tap, Jean’s eyes followed his glance and noticed something written on the notebook; Thick, black letters all clear enough for him to read.  
  
A. A. D. B. C. D  
  
    Jean blinked after reading all the letters, and it took him a minute to realize what Armin was implying. Was… was this kid really just giving him the answers like that? Was he really that desperate for friends? Jean frowned suddenly and his face reddened. He felt the shame of knowing this new kid’s first impression of him was probably that he was some kind of a dumbass or something. This new kid knew more than _he_ did and he hadn’t even had the proper lessons yet. Jean flipped to the back page of his test and began to write back.

  
  
_You don’t have to help me._ the page read, and he let the page hang from the left side of his desk for Armin to read. Jean could see from the corner of his eye as Armin began to scribble something into the same notebook and put his pen down as he finished.  
  
_I want to._  
  
    Jean thought for a minute and glanced at Marco who still sat scribbling away, then to where Ms. Zoe’s desk stood at the front of the class. He wanted to press on, seeing as he wasn't one to turn in false work even if it meant his own failure, and he also wasn’t one to give in to such an embarrassing proposal on his part, but the idea was tempting and Armin seemed more than willing to do it. Finally Jean decided for it hesitantly as he erased the message on the back and slowly flipped to the front page, circling in the letters one by one. Each time he finished a page, he’d let Armin read at the next one and continue the cycle once more. The bell suddenly rang for lunch in the middle of Jean finishing up the back of the second page.  
    “Alright everyone,” Ms. Zoe announced as she got up from her seat and to the doorway “Come on up and please hand me your tests on your way out.” Everyone rose with their tests to hand to Ms. Zoe (except Armin of course who simply gathered his stuff and left without a word, and Marco who lingered behind to wait for Jean) as they all headed out the door. Jean sighed frustratedly  
  
_Even with Armin’s help I still didn’t finish…_  
  
    Jean felt a little better, however, at knowing it was finally at least over as he gathered his stuff and rose up to hand in his test.  
  
    It wasn't until he and Marco got to the cafeteria and sat at their usual table (consisting of Marco, Connie, and their friends Reiner and Bertolt), and sister Petra and the other nuns finished leading everyone in a before-meal prayer, that Jean realized he forgot to thank Armin (which wasn’t exactly his fault since the boy just kind of walked off without giving him the chance to). He’d lost his whereabouts as soon as he stepped into the crowded hallway which was conveniently located across the hall from his classroom, but he figured he had to be around there somewhere. Jean ignored his friend’s chatter as his eyes scanned the cafeteria for a flash of the blonde.  
    “What up Jean, you lost or something? What’re you looking for?” Connie raised an eyebrow over the spoonful of mashed potatoes approaching his face. Jean didn't answer due to the fact that he happened to spot Armin at that same moment. He sat by himself at a table off in a corner not too far, absent-mindedly poking at a bowl of red jello as he held the same book from earlier in hand and read. “OK you dick I hope yo- wait, hey! Where are you going!?" Jean paused for a second, suddenly remembering his friends’ presences.  
    “Oh, uh-I’ll… I’ll be right back…” he replied, not taking his eyes off of Armin, and began his direction once more.  
    “Hey, uh… Armin, right?” he began, when he finally arrived next to the blonde. He watched as Armin looked up from his book, puzzled at first but smiling a friendly, shy smile up when he noticed it was Jean.  
    “Yeah, and uh, Jean, is it?” Armin’s hands attempted to tuck his blonde hair back behind his ears before it fell right back again.  
    “Uh, yeah…” Jean shook his head, reminding himself to try and look cool. After all, who didn't try to regain his pride after royally fucking up a first impression on the new kid who now probably thought he was only in this school by some miraculous mistake? He reached for the back of his neck impulsively, however, and rubbed, a nervous habit he had when he was trying too hard, ” I… wanted to thank you I guess… for what you did earlier and all…” he avoided Armin’s eyes as he could feel his face turning red. Here he was, embarrassingly thanking some kid who was just about half his size for helping him cheat on his Physics test... iiiiinn. fucking. credible. Armin smiled, blushing humbly. Man, if Jean didn't think he looked enough like a little girl before…  
    “Oh," Armin laughed softly "It's no big deal, really!" crinkling the edges slightly of the book he now held with both hands, and Jean gave a smile.  
    “You uh.. you like books?” he asked, gesturing to the boy’s rummaging hands. Armin’s eyes widened excitedly.  
    “I _love_ them! I just… I find it fascinating to think something so simple can take you to so many different places without ever even breaking a sweat! Plus they teach far more than any school I’ve ever been to! And the pictures even, I- ” Armin suddenly stopped, embarrassed. “Oh… I-I’m sorry for rambling on like that. I just… books are just one of my favorite things.” he locked down to his book and played with the edges of the page he was on. Jean gave a chuckle. He found it amusing to watch the little blonde’s eyes widen in excitement like that of a child’s.  
    “It’s fine I don't mind.” he stopped suddenly “Hey, uh…” he remembered his arm rubbing the back of his neck and stopped to place it in his pocket in a cool, laid-back sort of way. He wanted to give off the whole ‘ _I hope you know i’m actually really cool and you just happened to see me at like, my worst moment because I guess you’re lucky or something’_ sort of feel. “I guess if you want, you can come and sit over at our table so you don’t have to sit here all alone ‘nd all. You know… if you _want_. We _might_ be able to squeeze you in.” Jean so nonchalantly asked. Armin’s excitement returned to him again and he smiled, flashing a set of perfectly straightened teeth.  
    "Really!? Would that really be okay?" Jean almost wanted to laugh. This kid got excited about everything, and boy for someone who liked reading he was really bad at reading Jean’s awkward attempts to ‘intimidate’ the kid with how ‘cool’ he should see him as (though in all honesty, he really didn't think he was the whole " _please, no flash photography_ " kind of cool, though he was pretty popular, and he credited Connie for most of it). Jean was kind of surprised for a second to be honest, he wasn't really sure what to expect of the kid.  
    "Uh, sure…" he smiled at Armin, "Why not."

* * *

 

  
    Back at the table, Jean led Armin’s attention to his friends as he introduced him to them and explained that he was new and would be sitting with all of them. Armin sat down next to Connie at the long, park-bench looking table, across from Jean.  
    "Heya, Armin!" Connie exclaimed, extending his hand out to him in a warm greeting, "I’m Connie, nice to meet you," he pointed to each person as he continued, "...this guy here's Reiner," Reiner who had been sitting to his right stopped for a second to give the blonde a sort of two-finger wave before going back to his conversation, "... and that guy he's talking to? That's Bertholdt, but you just go ahead and call him Bert!" Bert gave a soft start from hearing his name, then noticed the small boy and gave a sort of small nervous wave, "And Marco here..." he pointed to Marco who sat directly across from him and to the right of Bert, "...now he's probably about the only sane one here, so I think it's best for me to emphasize that you become close friends with this kid." Marco gave a small humble chuckle before Jean and Reiner turned to him and glared.  
    "And I recommend you stay as far away as possible from this bald, babbling ape here if you value your social life any." Reiner retorted, smiling slyly as he gestured to Connie. Connie made a pouting face like he was offended and pretended to wipe at a tear.  
    "Wow Reiner... I thought we were friends you little dick." he sniffled a few fake sobs.  
    “Mr. Springer!” Connie flinched at sister Petra’s familiar voice a few feet behind him and everyone else tried to stifle a few chuckles. Connie sighed without turning to face her (he’d grown tired of it by now) and spoke in a monotonous tone.  
    “Sorry sister Petra… I’ll try and watch my language… “ he returned his attention to Armin once again, tone returning to its original form.          "Well anyways, that's all of us. And oh yeah...." he glanced in Jean's direction, "You already know Jean. It’s unfortunate that you had to meet him first out of any of us. You must be crushed" Jean frowned a glare towards Connie.  
    "Fuck you, Connie…" He flicked a grape in his direction and Armin and everyone chuckled. Connie dodged it and snapped his head in sister Petra’s direction, but she was chatting away with sister Carolina.  
    “OH COME ON HOW DID YOU NOT HEAR THAT!?” sister Petra simply ignored him, obviously engrossed in her conversation. Connie frowned, annoyed and mumbling to himself as everyone else around him laughed.  
    “Fucking double standards, that’s what this is…”  
    Everyone seemed to be joking and smiling and going around asking Armin questions you’d ask a new kid like 'what classes he had' or things like that. Jean wasn't really paying much attention after the grape thing, however. He sort of had this weird habit of studying people he's just met and he seemed to be doing just so as Armin and everyone spoke around him. The thing he usually tried to look to first was a person's eyes. His father had once said to him that you could always tell so much of what kind of a person someone was by looking into their eyes. He took the advice to heart, now using it any proper chance he gets. Armin's eyes, he noticed, were an especially crystal-blue color. The kind of blue that looked like 4k images of a lake in the Philippines he once saw where the water was practically see-through. He noticed the long (maybe a little too long for a guy, he thought) eyelashes that curled at the tips and the sort of sparkling excitement his eyes gave off when the others joked and spoke to him. He watched as wisps of golden hair swung to and fro with every head movement, and Armin reflexively tucked it behind his ears for temporary relief.

  
    As it turned out, during the time he wasn't paying much attention to the dialogue during lunch, he had missed the fact that Armin was also in his last period class as he later found out when he walked into the locker room (his last class was Fitness for Life with… *shudder* coach Smith…).  
  
_Tsch- seeing this kid do any form of physical activity should be interesting… especially with Smith around..._

* * *

 

  
    Jean shuffled inside his dorm room as he closed the door behind him. School hours ended just under an hour ago, and now Jean headed to search the large, walk-in closet in front of the doorway for his duffel bag. It was Friday, which meant that for club hours he would be meeting up with Connie for soccer practice and would be in need of his bag which kept his change of clothes. Jean pushed the sliding door to the right and flipped the light switch inside to reveal the un-kept mess of a closet floor and sighed, silently cursing to himself as he stumbled around sprawled out shirts and shoes in his search. He had just barely enough time to realize he had finally found it when there was a sudden noise at the main door. He didn't turn around to the noise, however, he busied himself in trying to pull his bag from the tight grip it kept on a coat hanger wedged in a pile of shirts and jeans.  
    "Yo, did your theater thing get out early today or something, Connie?" he asked once he heard the door finally open, "And I thought I told you a million years ago to clean this huge shit pile of yours, I think I can feel Mt. Everest slowly become the second tallest mountain in the world!" Jean spoke without turning as he struggled to lift the bag from the hanger’s obnoxious grip.  
    "…Jean…?" Jean was surprised when he immediately realized the voice was not Connie and turned around, puzzled.  
    "…Armin…?" there stood the small blonde, rolling suitcase in hand, smiling at Jean. "Hey…" Jean stood up with his now unearthed duffle bag and clumsily started towards Armin around the mess, occasionally catching his foot in a shirt or two, "What’re you doing here?" he asked a bit suspiciously, stopping at the closet entrance. He wanted to know how the blonde even got in when only those with a card to their own dorms could enter them (except the pastors who had a card to unlock all the rooms if ever an emergency arose). Armin's smile faded and he looked slightly hurt.  
    "...don't you remember, Jean?" Jean blinked at the small boy and said nothing, having no idea what he was getting at. Armin giggled at seeing the confusion spread across his face, "I'm your new roommate, remember? Marco mentioned this during lunch when he found out?" Jean could only hold his incredulously blank stare towards Armin. I guess this was something else he would have remembered had he been paying any attention.  
    "Oh...." he let out the word slowly, like he was still processing the fact that Armin was standing there, "...right..." The way this kid seemed to be dealt with by the front office was… sort of weird. They usually gave people their dorms before giving them a class schedule or sending them to classes…

    Hmmph…

    He shook his head, "Hey, uh... do you need any help with that...?" he pointed to the black suitcase that stood in front of Armin while he held the handle with both hands.  
    "Actually yeah, if you don't mind. A friend of mine was supposed to come down and help me, but i don’t think he’ll be able to make it.." Jean was already reaching for the suitcase while Armin spoke and he dragged it along to the left in the middle of the room. He tossed his duffle bag on Marco's bunk and laid the suitcase gently on the floor as he sat down with Armin next to it and began to help him unpack.  
    "So I’m guessing your friend doesn't go here?". Armin sifted through his stack of t-shirts as he spoke.  
    "No... he's actually not the really religious kind of person. He goes to a public school here a couple of blocks away with his sister."  
  
_Not the religious kind? Hmph…_  
  
    "So, ‘re they seniors like you, too?" Jean was carefully attempting not to drop a small box of something that said fragile while taking it out of Armin's suitcase. He ceased his movements suddenly when he noticed the blonde inspecting him blankly. "Uh..." he quickly, but gently, set down the small box on the floor, "S-sorry... did you not want me to touch that...? I'm really sorry, I didn't know..." his words trailed into a fade out as he scanned the boy's expression nervously for any sign that he may have offended him somehow in his action.  
    "... Who told you I was a senior...?" Armin's wide, blank eyes blinked in confusion and he awaited a response from Jean.  
    "Well I just..." Jean searched for words to form reason and paralleled Armin's blank expression, "I just sort of figured since, you know, you are in a few of my classes... and I'm a senior and all... and..." he furrowed his eyebrows now into a scowl of puzzlement, "Wait... _aren't_ you a senior...?" Armin broke their exchange of confused expressions to coyly look to his hands that now rested on the legs he sat on.  
    "A-actually no... I'm... I'm a freshman..." As soon as those last three words escaped Armin's mouth, Jean found himself half stunned, half expectant, and half… no, completely embarrassed.  
  
_He's a freshman!? You mean to tell me that me, a Senior, had help cheating on my AP Physic's test from a Freshman!? I mean like, I know I shouldn't be too surprised considering the kid looks nearly twelve... but... a freshman!?_  
  
    Jean was at a loss for words. How could this kid already be taking Senior classes!? And at such a “prestigious” school that Jean would have honestly never gotten into if it weren’t for his parent’s nearly unlimited access to money.  
"You... you're a freshman!?" his voice spoke in a volume a bit higher than his regular, though not yelling, "Since when!? I mean... what are you doing in my Senior AP Physic's class!? Wha-" Jean tried to finish the gurgle of word vomit that exited his mouth in puddles of questions. Honestly, it wasn't really that Jean thought Armin was some 8th wonder of the world or something, it was mainly that he was angry at himself as he was still trying to accept the fact he let himself look like a fool in front of someone who should be below him in these sorts of things. It was embarrassing, no? To have someone younger than you know the things you can barely manage to keep up with and then have them able to execute it with ease. He decided to shake himself from all of it suddenly and try and accept such an embarrassing fact in a civil manner. He spoke with a reddened face still, mumbling.  
    “So like, did you come here because they didn’t offer any of the classes you needed at your friend’s school? Or…why aren't you going to the school with them instead of here?" he eyed Armin quizzically when he paused a beat or two before answering.  
    "No... I... I needed a... place to live, so I thought maybe a private boarding school would work out for me since I don't make very much money where I work… and this was the only one in the city so…"  
  
_A place to live?_  
  
    Jean was interested  
  
_Where was this kid living before coming here? At his age I'd still be living with my parents if I weren't in this boarding school. Maybe he really is an Orphan like that Oliver Twist kid? It would explain why he looks so pathetic and frail._  
  
    "What do you mean...?" Jean stuttered to find the words that would seem less offensive because he wasn't too sure whether he should ask what was on his mind or not, "I mean...I hope you don't mind me asking, but..." he paused "Where were you... living before this?" Armin's back was towards Jean now when he stood up to put some of his things in one of the dresser drawers in front of the only small window in the room.  
    "I... was living with my friends..." he hesitated a second "You know... the ones from that public school..." Jean couldn't see Armin's face, but he was afraid that when he did he'd see something in it that told him not to question anymore. Jean hadn't noticed until just then, that the air around them had turned a layer of cold he hadn't felt before. Armin's small body seemed slightly stiff after Jean asked him and it was only vaguely apparent that he should probably not press on, but Jean couldn't get himself to stop as usual, and the question slipped his lips. He stared at Armin's back worriedly as he began.  
    "Armin..." he cleared his throat as he continued, "Wh-where are your... uh... parents...?" he wanted to snorted a second when he realized how much he sounded like an old worried neighbor watching a kid running amuck in the streets unattended, but quickly realized this was hardly the time for such a thing. He observed Armin carefully. He didn't budge. Fuck, Jean had just met the guy and he was already making him super uncomfortable, damn it. He quickly tried to find something to say. "Da- I uh, I mean... you... you don't really have to tell me anything if you don't want to..." his fingers nervously explored the hair on the back of his head-waiting to see just how much he fucked up with the poor kid. "Damn, I'm really sorry if I-"  
    "No." Jean was surprised when Armin cut him off, "It's fine I just," he closed the drawer in front of him absentmindedly and stood there as he spoke in a low voice, "it's just that I don't know how to answer that, really. I…” he swallowed hard,” I... ran away about a few months ago and I've been living with my friend since then... so I really _don't_ know where they are." Jean's glance trailed down from Armin's back to the floor and he felt the guilt rise in him for asking such a personal question, "Or... I'm not sure where my... 'Father' is. My mother, however, died when I was really young."  
  
    Wow.  
    This poor fucking kid… no wonder Jean thought he looked so pitiful. He glanced back to Armin, now very clearly seeing the discomfort in his little body.  
    "Fuck Armin, I’m...." his voice was low, almost a whisper just barely loud enough for Armin alone to hear, "... I'm sor-"  
    "Please dont." once again the boy cut him off by surprise, "don't be." his tone was gentle and sincere and he began to un-stiffen himself, attempting to seem un-bothered by all of this, "I mean, speaking truthfully, I’d almost be lying if I said I didn’t really have any parents at all..." he turned to face Jean to show a small, warm smile as it slowly touched his cheeks, though it couldn't mask the obvious sadness that clung to his blue eyes, "The friend I was telling you about, when I needed a place to live? His parents took me in and cared for me when I really needed them. They were the kindest people I've ever met and they treated me like one of their own." His smile slowly began to diminish once again. It seemed he was just realizing the impact of his own words, and he looked to the floor, "They're really the only parents I'm proud to call my own... blood related or not."

    Jean couldn't really speak. What the hell were you even supposed to say after you practically _forced_ someone to explain to you their entire life after only knowing them for roughly four hours? And to make things all the better, Jean somehow managed to find the audacity to want to ask on about all this. He wanted to know of the things that happened beyond his own sheltered life. He’d never even experienced a death of someone close to him besides his pet hamster that Marco had helped him name Mr. Snuffle (IT WAS LIKE IN FOURTH GRADE, OK!? AND IT WAS MAINLY MARCO’S IDEA ANYWAYS), which wasn’t much to compare to a dead mother. He just really, really wanted to know…  
    "Why...?" he hardly had enough time to stop himself before he found the little blonde looking to him, half in confusion and half of him already knowing what he meant, though he looked as though he wished he didn't. There was a long empty silence and Jean juggled through the idea of taking back his question and asking Armin to forget about it.  
    "Why.... what." his frail voice finally filled the air in between them momentarily in what was more of a statement than a question.  
    “Why… why did you, you know, run away?”  
    Silence. Pure dead silence, that’s all Jean could hear. He’d done it this time for sure. Why couldn’t he ever learn to keep his stupid mouth shut for a minute? Just one minute would be all it would have taken had he waited long enough, for in the dead of the silence, the familiar small beep of the front door followed by a noisy shuffle inside broke through.  
    “Heyo, Jean, we’d better hurry up today, I heard Coach is extra pissed today afte-” Jean stopped to look up at Connie suddenly when he abruptly halted in the middle of his sentence, “Woah…” he shuffled eye contact between the two blankly, “...who died?” Jean scowled in his direction. Man this guy was thoughtless, but just about the same could be said for him, actually.  
    “Uh- I uh, sorry, Jean was just helping me unpack.” Armin quickly explained and he turned his attention to Jean once again with a warm smile. “Thank you... Jean. I can take it from here if you guys really have to go now.” Jean kinda felt weird, like time was just happening without his permission and he was trying to keep up desperately. Connie really had shitty timing.  
    “Yeah, Jean, we should probably get going now.” He didn’t wait for Jean to say anything before he headed over to where Jean’s bag lay and swung it around his other shoulder where his bag wasn’t, grabbing Jean by the arm as he headed back to the door. “See yuh, Armin!” he called back before closing the door behind them. There was a strange silence as they stood in the hall, Connie turned to Jean finally, eyes narrowed,      “What the fuck was that.” he commented. Jean was sort of shocked for a beat or two.  
    “What… do you mean?” he feigning ignorance. He wasn’t about to let the whole world know of the conversation he had just had with Armin, and telling Connie would have been the first step to doing so. Connie sighed loudly and turned his attention to the hallway.  
    “You know what, forget it, let’s go.” he handed Jean his bag before they started down the hall at last.  
  
    Practice seemed especially rough today than usual to Jean.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just something that i had saved in my google drive that i wrote forever ago and never uploaded. Beware i have not read through it all and there are probably errors and i dont know if i want to actually finish this so be aware of that as well.
> 
> Uploaded by request from my tumblr

_This is so unfair. Everything is so fucking unfair._

 

Jean shuffled slowly down the hall, drained of sweat and energy from the hours of his Soccer practice that he’d finally been released from.

 

_He doesn’t deserve something like that. No one does._

 

           Armin’s words had clung to him since they first penetrated his mind just a few hours earlier. How could they _not_?

 

_What makes him so special anyways? What about the rest of us here?_

 

           He stopped when he arrived at his dorm door.

 

_I mean, i’m thankful for this... all of this; my family, my home… but… why can’t he have any of that, too?_

 

Jean felt a small pain in him. It was a sad thing to think about. He’d always thought the world so cruel and unfair, picking and choosing its own victims, not really caring if it’s something they deserve or not. They’re all just humans in the eyes of the world, so what difference would it make, right? But… why Armin? He seemed just as capable of holding such as steady of a life as Jean, more so even. He was nice… and smarter than any freshman _he’s_ met at this school. This might be a prestigious school, but there were always those that slipped in with a wad of bills adorning themselves like Christmas ornaments. Jean, at realizing he was one of them, cringed a bit at the thought before hearing the muffled sound of an unfamiliar voice on the other side of his door. Raising an eyebrow, he scanned his card and turned the knob slowly.

 

_What. On. Earth._

 

Earth? Seemed more like he was standing in the back alley of an L.A. crack house when he saw the source of the strange voice. He turned from his conversation with Armin, hands rested in his black letterman jacket, to Jean when he opened the door. He wore all black, the only source of color coming from his “Asking Alexandria” T-shirt which Jean only recognized from the giant _Asking Alexandria_ lettering in white amongst splashes of neon-colored creatures from Satan’s ass. His black skinny jeans sporting a good rip or ten here and there, mostly around the knees, and his converse, what a surprise, were just as black… _all_ black though a bit worn out it seemed. But oh… oh the lovely part… Jean would have looked to it first, but the neon puke on his shirt won his attention in .2 seconds. The guy had snake bites. _Snake bites._ _How lovely._ Armin, the kid who was afraid to say his own name in front of a small crowd just a few hours ago, was talking to some kid with _snake bites._ Plus, it seemed the guy wore some kind of permanent frown on his face or something that made him look like he hated everything. He was almost certain he had a tattoo hidden somewhere in that over-sized letterman jacket of his. He was actually kind of surprised his hair even looked semi decent. Its dark strands stuck out in a messy array on all sides from the grey beanie he wore (not black as well somehow). It looked clean, and so far it was the only nice thing he could find to say about the guy.

Jean’s eyes narrowed and he looked from the guy to Armin as he spoke, closing the door behind him as he did so.

            “Umm… hey…” was all he could manage, looking the guy up and down, noticing as he returned his action. Armin smiled.

           “Hey, Jean!” He placed a hand on the guy’s shoulder, “This is the friend I was telling you about.” he looked back to the guy and spoke, “ Eren… this is one of my roommates, Jean. He helped me unpack a bit earlier today.” ‘Eren’, as Jean now knew, didn’t move and kept his studying eyes on him, though his scowl lessened a bit, turning into more of an uncomfortable expression, like he wanted nothing more than to talk to Armin and leave. Jean couldn’t blame him.

           “Uh yeah, hey.” he finally said before turning to Armin again, probably wanting to continue their conversation. He seemed to whisper something to him with a worried look as Jean slowly began to open the closet door to put his bag away. He could just barely make out Armin’s whispered response from inside.

           “...I’ll be fine, Eren. Honestly, you worry too much. No one…” He couldn’t really catch the ending of his words. Something about cheetos? Who fucking knows. Jean already felt weirdly uncomfortable with… “Eren”, there, and he figured wasting time figuring out what they were talking about would be pointless. He’d long thought about pretending to be busy and just head over to Reiner’s a couple doors down to shower instead, and he searched for a towel and clothes to change into before finding something to carry them in and doing just so.

           “Heya, Armin? I have to head out, but if you need any help with anything, Marco should be getting back here in a few minutes.” Eren and Armin both turned to him as he stood by the door.

           “Oh… Ok. Thanks, Jean.” and with that he was gone, three doors down to the right, and at Reiner’s door at the end of the hall, waiting for him to answer. The door opened finally to reveal a confused Reiner. This wasn’t really a common event for him to just appear with a backpack in hand smelling like sweat after practice. Reiner raised an eyebrow.

           “Umm… can I help you?” his eyes following his strange appearance and the backpack swung on his right shoulder.

           “Can I use your shower, my room is kind of… busy.” he didn’t wait for Reiner to respond before stepping through the door and letting his stuff hit the floor to begin pulling out his clothes. Reiner’s eyes narrowed as he walked by him, palms outstretched in annoyance.

           “What’s wrong with _your_ shower?” He closed the door behind him slowly and Jean felt him watch him as he dug around his bag. He sighed heavily and grumbled in response.

           “Nothing… just, Armin’s talking to some guy in our room and it feels really weird to just stay there and shower.” he swung the towel he packed over his left shoulder and gathered his clothes in one arm, turning to Reiner as he stood back up, “can I just stay here for like, however long he’s there please, man. I don’t like the dude’s vibe...”

 

 _Or_ _anything_ _about him for that matter… even if he didn’t actually know him_

 

Reiner had his arms crossed over his chest, making them look more ripped than they already were and he lent against the door.

“Fine, whatever. Which dude?”

“I don’t know, Armin said his name was _Eren_ i think.”

“Eren…” Reiner repeated in a low voice, like he was thinking about something else in the process, “probably Eren from dorm three. What’d he look like?” Jean mustered what he could of his attempted repressed memory.

“Uhhh, black hair; seems to like black a lot I guess; has metal on his face; looks angry; kind of short; uhhh probably worships satan-”

“Wai-wait, whoa…” Reiner abruptly cut him off, holding one hand up as to stop him, “ hold on,” he laughed, “that sounds like fucking Jaeger _,_ did he have a tattoo on his shoulder of a keychain?” So he did have a tattoo. Of course. Granted, it really wasn’t as intense of a design as he had expected, but

 

_Jaeger?_

 

           He squinted into Reiner’s, sort of annoyed that he was out of the loop with who this fucking Jaeger kid was.

“Yeah, Eren… whatever wha- how do you know him, exactly?” Jean was getting a bit irritated and watched Reiner sigh deeply, letting his hands drop as he reached for the door knob once more.

“Uhh… it’s kind of a long story, I’ll let you shower and tell you when I get back.” Reiner opened the door and left suddenly before Jean could get anymore obviously irritated.

“Tsch, whatever.” he gathered himself and his clothes and opened the door to Reiner’s bathroom.

           The water struck his head repeatedly and soaked his sweaty skin, but he hardly noticed.

 

_Who the fuck is Jaeger?_

 

           Jean stepped out from the steamy bathroom finally to find Bert, Reiner’s roommate (and stepbrother), at one of the desks in the left corner, checking his Facebook on his laptop it looked like.

           “Hey, Bert?” Bert gave a small jump in surprise and turned to face Jean in his chair.

           “Jean?” he looked kind of scared, it was obvious he thought he was Reiner showering, “What are you doing in our bathroom!? You scared me, I thought I was in the wrong dorm for a second.” the dorm rooms all looked the same on the inside and out besides random personal touches, so it would have been a logical assumption he supposed.

           “Oh, sorry Bert. That’s actually what I was going to get at, actually.” he paused and shut the bathroom door behind him as he walked towards Bert and sat on the bed bunk right next to the desk he sat at, “I don’t actually know if you know him or not, but I figure you might since, you know, you’re brothers and all.” Bert looked to him in an expression mixed between worry, confusion, and fear. “So if you happen to know who the fuck this Eren Jaeger kid is, I’d really appreciate you letting me know.” he blinked at Jean, watching as the water in his tan hair dripped to his shoulders, moistening the plain-white night shirt that hugged his body comfortably. He didn’t have to say anything for Jean to know that he had no idea who he was talking about. He sighed, letting his lids fall shut in frustration as he plopped back on the bed.

           “Forget it. Reiner’s in my room, by the way, talking to him with Armin probably.”

           “Um… ok…” he heard the sound of Bert typing and he figured he’d gone back to messaging whoever was online, “but why were _you_ in our shower...?” Jean opened his right eye to look at Bert incredulously.

           “Uhh… because there is a _stranger_ in my _room_ who everyone else seems to know but you and I, Berttie, and it’d be really weird to shower while they’re just chillin’ there.” Bert sighed,

           “I suppose, I-” he stopped suddenly at the sound of the familiar beep sound and the room door opening finally. Jean sat up at the noise and looked to Reiner as he closed the door behind him and spoke.

           “I guess Jaeger really _is_ here.” he snorted, “He must feel like he sticks out like a sore thumb in a place like this.” he sat in the bunk across from Jean and smirked, probably remembering the kid’s appearance and mentally placing it next to an image of a random student in the school.

           “Yeah OK whatever,” Jean swatted at the air, “but who _is_ he?” he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and allowing his hands to droop downwards. Reiner raised an eyebrow to him and crossed his arms, eyeing him.

           “If you really _must_ know, he was my neighbor before I moved and came to this school.” Jean was _already_ confused.

 

_Bert should know about him then, shouldn’t he? They lived in the same house and all._

 

           “It was at a house we lived at before our mom met Bert’s dad here.” he added, almost as if to answer the confusion he had in mind. Jean looked back to Bert for a glance and found he was listening just as intently as Reiner spoke, “As you know, the only reason me, my sister Annie, or our mom even had a chance in this school or in _life_ at all is because of Bert’s dad.” he looked to Bert and gave a warm, sincere smile which Jean had to admit looked kind of weird for such a tough-looking guy who was, not surprisingly, able to tackle you one-handedly if you were brave enough to be on the opposing team during Football season. He turned to Jean again, “Before Bert’s family came to us, we were barely holding on. Our mother could barely afford the house we lived in and I worked constantly to try and help our situation somewhat. You can already guess where I’m headed with the neighborhood we lived in. Yeah, it wasn’t the best, but there were some decent people there, like Jaeger.”

_DECENT!?_

 

           “Despite his appearance, he’s actually a really nice guy, you know.” Reiner had seen the disbelief on Jean’s face in mentioning Jaeger’s decency and he gave Jean a look telling him all that he didn’t say.

           “Tsch, I’ll believe it when I see It.” he spoke in a low mumble. Reiner ignored him.

           “Well anyways, I met him when he ended up being in my class in 5th grade and found out later he lived right next to me. He really _is_ a nice guy. He and his sister were kind of hard to forget when they were always making a scene in standing up for people and coming to the charity events at our church. I swear Jean, if you make that stupid face one more time I’m dragging Jaeger over here and locking you in this dorm until you stop being such a dick.” Jean stopped the scowl he hadn’t even realized he was wearing and shook his head, throwing his hands up in surrender.

           “Look, I’m sorry alright? I just really wasn’t expecting something so cheesy sounding for a guy like him to do.” Reiner let a breath out through his nostrils, looking from Bert to Jean returning his elbows to his knees.

           “Well, that’s what he did. And actually, I didn’t realize this until I went over and Jaeger said something, but I remember Armin came to his house a lot. I guess they were best friends at his old school or something, though I never talked to him and he’s a quiet kind of guy, so it makes sense that I didn’t recognize him at first. He and Eren used to go to the events at my church with his sister too.

           “Eren and his parents helped us a lot when we lived in that house, especially when our mom had a cancer scare a couple of years ago. You can see why I’m not willing to put up with your shit today, no Jean?” He had to admit the guy sounded like a sincerely thoughtful person, but every time his mind let him think maybe the guy wasn’t something to think of much of a threat or feel weird around, flashes of the monstrous neon puke on his shirt would resurface and doubts would fill him again. Reiner sighed heavily.

           “I guess you wouldn’t really know much about how that feels though. Whatever, I’m sorry for wasting your time telling you my sob story, point is we were in hell for a while before Bert’s dad came into the picture, and Eren was one of the only ones in that hell who lifted a finger to help. _That's_ who Eren Jaeger is.” There was a long awkward silence as Reiner didn’t budge and stared at Jean. Bert, feeling the discomfort thick to his neck (and he was a pretty tall guy even sitting down) slowly, nervously turned to face his laptop screen, though he did nothing but stare at it. Jean wanted to say something in response, but his mind was… remembering so many things suddenly… he couldn’t help the speechless state in which he sat momentarily. Jean shook his thoughts for the time being to give him enough time to stand slowly and gather his things. He spoke during so to avoid having to look at him, half concentrating on his words and the other trying to not give way to his previous thoughts.

"Hey look, I’m sorry Reiner, he sounds like he really means a lot to you and all, but I guess you’re right. I don't know how that feels, and that’s something I really can’t help.” he stopped after gathering his things, back turned to Reiner, at the door, “I’m willing to admit right now, I’m a stubborn little shit most of the time. I don’t mean to offend you with how I behave, It’s just something that happens along the way.” he wanted to pause for a moment before continuing, but he decided against it so as to not leave room for Reiner to say anything in response, “I want you to know, though, I’m not going to completely doubt Eren because he’s himself, but I will doubt someone until I know them personally, and that hasn’t happened with Eren yet.”

           Ok, so it wasn’t the best or most formal apology Jean’s ever given, if you could even call it that, however, he wasn’t sure Reiner even wanted one, and Jean didn’t think he had enough room let in his mind to think and apologize at the same time at the moment. He didn’t really care if Eren wasn’t gone yet when he returned to his dorm, he wanted to lay down. He felt like he could actually sleep for once.

           No one. There was no one in the dorm, and Jean took this perfect opportunity to set his bag down and crawl onto his bunk, letting the darkness absorb him like a vacuum, allowing him one free ride to sleep.


	3. 3

    Of course Jean shouldn’t have expected to stay in such a miraculous state of slumber for long, and sure enough he was unwillingly lying awake a few hours later, face-down in the pillow wrapped in his arms, trying to block the noise of his roommates’ voices as they spoke.

“Hey guys, you might want to keep your voices down a bit. I could sleep through a storm, but Jean wakes up at the sound of a pin dropping.”

_ Thanks Marco, but I think we’re past that point already. _

Jean didn’t make any effort to let anyone know he was already awake. His mind may be ready to run a marathon, but the rest of him wanted to hibernate for the next twelve years. If only his mind would put as much effort into doing his studies as it did in keeping him awake with thoughts like this.

He ended up spending the entire night knowing he’d never fall asleep because somewhere within his tosses and turns he was reminded of Reiner, of the conversation he had with Armin, of everything. He was so glad right then that it was only a Saturday. It was an OK day to feel like complete shit.

Now would probably be a good time to mention Jean’s… other habit, which sort of came with the whole “studying people” one as an unfortunate side effect, if he thought too long.

Jean’s the type of guy who _would_ cry at a sad puppy death scene in a movie theater… _if_ it weren’t for who he was, and the dozens of strangers sitting ready to stare at him the entire time as he did, which he was certain would turn into hoots and laughter. He’s the type of guy who _would_ piss his pants if he paid too much attention to a friend’s retelling of a haunting event that happened to them. Of course he _would_ be the type for all this, if he wasn’t the “man” he referred to himself as. Jean, in short, was quite the empathetic baby underneath the layers he caked on himself to hide that fact. When a guy like, say, Armin, or Reiner, came around with a story like that? He couldn’t help it… his mind would do the work for him, and he was powerless. It was why he wished he could stop himself before speaking like most people could, because it only caused him to ask questions, to press on, which in turn created his own misery. He had severe depression a lot of the time because often the thoughts never left, and he took special medication for it when things got really bad, but being reminded of himself, his stable life, popular status, money he could swim in, it only made the medication seem the lesser option than to simply deal with it. Jean always felt weak taking such a thing. He was fine… financially, socially, everywhere in which most people never even got a good chance to dip their toes in the rich end of. He didn’t want to depend on it, but here he was… up way past breakfast hour (which would have been a big deal if it weren't Jean, who was excused at times for this reason) water bottle in one hand and a medication bottle with his information in dark, bold lettering clearly labeled in the other. The instructions were clear and simple: LEXAPRO, 50MG TABLETS. TAKE ONE BY MOUTH DAILY, yet he found he wasn’t quite able to get himself to place it in his mouth as directed and swallow. He studied the darkened bags beneath his eyes in the bathroom mirror for a good long minute or so, waiting for something convincing to come to mind that would get him to take the damn pill already. He sighed in utter frustration, then quickly before he could change his mind, shoved it in his mouth, followed by several large glugs of water and him heading back to the empty room, returning the medication to its hiding place in his backpack.

He shut the water bottle’s lid tight before throwing it onto Marco’s bunk on his way to sit at the laptop he had opened up to his attempt at Physics notes on one of the study desks. Fuck, he didn’t even care what, but he needed a distraction in the next few seconds if he wanted some fraction of a chance to make this day not so miserable. And just like that, there was a beep at the door that caught Jean’s attention, though he wasn’t much up for any human interaction, and after seeing a flash of blonde at the door he was less so.

Oh god… he can't see him like this… and Jean especially couldn't look at him, at anyone. When he was in these moods, every little thing made it worse, no matter the content, and Jean was sure this wasn't something he could handle at the moment.

He quickly returned his attention to his laptop screen without a word, hoping to give him a hint to not talk to him at the present moment. As soon as he did, however, he felt a bit like an ass.

“Hey… Armin.” he found himself suddenly initiating the OK to speak despite his mental cries pleading otherwise, but it was hard for him to ignore anything, much less a person.

“H-hey, Jean!” he could virtually feel Armin’s dorky smile on his back. It sort of pissed him off a little; shouldn’t he be mad at him or something for peering so close to his life like he had the other day? “Umm… Jean? I-I hope you’re not offended by me asking, but do you need some help with that?” Jean jerked slightly upon realizing Armin was already standing next to him, staring at the sad excuse for notes on his dimly lit laptop monitor. He scrunched his face into a frown, indeed feeling a little insulted. This kid helped him on  _ one  _ test  _ one  _ time and has known him for roughly  _ twenty four  _ hours, and it was like he’d already deduced that he was some kind of idiot!

“Tsch,” he frowned back to his laptop screen and spoke in a tone a little obviously irked, “I’m really not as stupid as I look, you know. Physics just isn’t my thing most of the time.” there was about a two second pause.

“I… I don’t think you’re stupid…” Jean was surprised to hear him say it the way he did, like he was sincerely hoping he hadn’t hurt him somehow by suggesting such a thing. Jean turned to his right to face Armin finally and found he couldn't see the boy’s eyes through the mess of shaggy blonde bangs that shielded them while he looked to his feet. As weird as this sounded, he felt like hugging the guy and apologizing. He just came here to ask if he could help, after all... all he wanted was to help, and Jean, being Jean, had found himself annoyed by the suggestion. He shook his head as if to clear his narrow-minded thinking away for a second.

“Hey…” he began, tone soft and apologetic, “sorry, it’s nothing personal, really, it’s just that I’m sort of used to people assuming that from the start.” he paused, hoping to get a glimpse of the boy’s eyes appearing from behind the shield of shag, “Yeah, as embarrassing as this is to admit, I could probably use your help with some of this stuff. I don’t seem to be making much progress on my own, as you’ve noticed.” he did what he could to try and smile at the boy, despite how heavy each corner of his mouth seemed to feel then. Armin’s eyes flickered to Jean finally, then widened just a bit when they finally landed on Jean’s face.

“J… Jean are you… are you alright?” Jean’s smile faded.

_ What… how did he... _

Jean would have liked to think he was good at hiding these less-than-glamorous moments of his, and hearing Armin recognize it right away gave way to fear and self-consciousness. Had the others just pretended not to notice his complete mental breakdowns? Was Armin referring to something else perhaps? Maybe he had something on his face like a cut or something. Or maybe he meant the bags under his eyes, perhaps he noticed just how little sleep Jean was gifted that night. He looked away fiercely, angry that Armin had seen through his carefully executed façade. He stared at the blinking typing cursor on his word document of notes.

"I'm fine." Jean's cold tone unintentionally emanating the anger behind his words, as if he had any right to be angry. He had the gall to feel this way after one simple question, but seemed to have forgotten the many questions he had posed for Armin the other day. Upon realizing this, his brows softened along with this tone. He cleared his throat. "Yeah... i'm just tired. So you gonna help me or what?" he didn't mean to come out sounding so brash.

"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what i have for now and i am thinking its gonna stay like this for now. I have been busy with work and college so there is that. I am starting to really miss jearmin though so i might end up finishing this :) thanks for reading friends!


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